Tararumpum Can Go Up My Friggin’ Bu – Ass!

Just when the world thought Bollywood was turning a new leaf, Tararumpum had to come along and spoil the party, and that’s putting it nicely. It also quite happily screwed what seemed to be a constructive, good day for my family and me.

Shitty dialogue, poor screenplay, un-noteworthy acting, no storyline and one hell of a long stomach ache, Tararumpum is a movie I will not forget because it has set a very high standard of crap-film-making. Inspired by Disney’s “Cars”, Tararumpum has set a milestone in film making – it is successfully the first movie in the history of film to be more un-realistic than an animation flick.

The biggest mistake I made was not taking a pencil and a notepad to the theatre to note the down the amount of bullshit that was rolling on the screen. From the put-on-didn’t-work American accent of Saif Ali Khan, to Rani Mukherjee’s fake-r “likes” in making an effort to mock the American bimbo, from the inability of Indian cinema to portray a simple lip-lock on screen [they faked a kiss in a Christian marriage that two Hindus were having – the whole back-against-the-screen method of faking], to the new boundaries reached in long-distance communication where the NASCAR driver had a successful conversation with his wife in the crowd of 100,000, 100 metres away, and from the $65,000 removal of glass-piece from a child’s stomach [an open-heart surgery package costs $30,000], to the reality television show “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”, 99% of the film was pure rubbish.

The 1% of decent stuff included some decently shot NASCAR scenes and the little girl who played Saif’s daughter. But apart from that, why? Why would you make such a film? Why would you pay so much of money to make something so poor? This is why Bollywood really pisses the shit out of me.

Why did I go for this movie? My Granny is in town, and this was supposedly our family’s idea of entertainment. However, Mum almost fell asleep during the course of the film and Grand Ma was busy trying to figure out when the movie would actually start making sense. Dad was just cursing the fact that he instigated this plan, and I was organizing transport for football practice tomorrow morning.

Otherwise the day was constructive. Football in the morning was good fun [a few of us ex-students go early morning to school to play football with the current school team], and I finally got my driving classes figured out. Apparently, I am also going to start Salsa classes tomorrow. I had a haircut too – a not-happening haircut.

P.S. If you still plan to go watch this movie, please don’t forget to carry a pencil, a notepad and your iPod. Enjoy.