The other day I got into a Dubai Taxi to head down to work. My destination was Dubai Sports City, an enticing option for any taxi driver looking for customers somewhere in Deira. This taxi-driver was an old man, balding from the top with furrows on the side and with large oval spectacles belittling his eyes.  I sat down comfortably in the front seat, instructing the taxi driver to head on to our wonderful destination. I pulled over my seat belt and buckled in. I took a deep breath and realized that I was listening to melodious, typical Hindu Bhajans. Not too excited with the melody, I moved my right hand towards the “Radio” button, when I heard the Taxi driver utter, “Aap kya kar rahe ho?” (which is “what are you doing, sir?” in Hindi). I said I am putting on 104.4 FM to listen to some music that I liked. He argued, “It’s early in the morning. Shouldn’t we be listening to melodious Bhajans?”

I was like, “Umm, no. It’s early morning and I am just about to embark on a thirty minute journey, I do NOT want to listen to anything Bhajan-like.”  A sudden look disgust developed on the taxi-driver’s face. He was visibly affected by my desires. He then turned towards his steering wheel and mumbled, “That is not right.”  Unfazed by his reaction, I boldly switched on what I, the customer, wanted to listen to. Thirty seconds later he asked me, “Are you Muslim?”

“No,” I replied. This seemed to shock him even more, happily assuming that I am some Hindu boy who is going against his religion. I bet his mind was complaining “What has become of the Hindu youth of today?” or something of that sort in some complex Hindi. His facial expressions begged me to answer the obviously lucid question, “Why are you betraying your religion?” (slightly exaggerated for dramatic effect.)

So I did him a favor and said, “I just feel like listening to what I want to, in a cab-ride I am paying for. I am not that religious anyway.” That shut him up for a bit, but he was visibly disturbed. I enjoyed the remainder of the ride to work besides, of course,  the sporadic “If You Seek Amy” runs and other similar rot. We reached our destination and I gave him his whopping eighty bucks. As his right hand received the money, his left hand reached towards the “TAPE” button and the bhajans were on again. I laughed, marveled, was amused and entertained at the same time. The expression on my face was well, pretty indescribable.

I have nothing against Hinduism or Bhajans. But when I, the customer, am paying a shit load of money for a friggin’ long cab ride to work, I can very much listen to exactly what I want to, at any (sane) volume I feel like. This idea of putting religion before everything else, even before the taxi-driver’s business, is amusing indeed, but borders ridiculousness. God is great and all, but I really don’t need to listen to “melodious” Bhajans early in the morning if I don’t want to.

Are any of you Dubai taxi-drivers listening? While I am at it, I might as well tell you the following:

• It’s your job to take us paying customers where we want to go.
• It’s NOT cool to say that you need to go pray AFTER asking us where we want to go.
• It’s rude to talk loudly and make conversation on the phone for more than a minute when your damned customer is sitting right next to you.
• Don’t be disgusted at our demands to travel short distances. It’s friggin’ hot in Dubai and you’re getting paid anyway.
• Don’t ask us questions you don’t need to.
• Make sure the cab smells okay.

P.S. On the same day, Jason, Ishika and I saw a 6ft 4inch-ish tall girl where 3-inch high heels. Again, I just don’t get it. Jason and Ishika thought I was overthinking things and was getting bothered by something that shouldn’t affect me. They are right of course, it’s her life and all, but I just don’t get it.