Dubai & Taxis & People

The other day I got into a Dubai Taxi to head down to work. My destination was Dubai Sports City, an enticing option for any taxi driver looking for customers somewhere in Deira. This taxi-driver was an old man, balding from the top with furrows on the side and with large oval spectacles belittling his eyes.  I sat down comfortably in the front seat, instructing the taxi driver to head on to our wonderful destination. I pulled over my seat belt and buckled in. I took a deep breath and realized that I was listening to melodious, typical Hindu Bhajans. Not too excited with the melody, I moved my right hand towards the "Radio" button, when I heard the Taxi driver utter, "Aap kya kar rahe ho?" (which is "what are you doing, sir?" in Hindi). I said I am putting on 104.4 FM to listen to some music that I liked. He argued, "It's early in the morning. Shouldn't we be listening to melodious Bhajans?"

I was like, "Umm, no. It's early morning and I am just about to embark on a thirty minute journey, I do NOT want to listen to anything Bhajan-like."  A sudden look disgust developed on the taxi-driver's face. He was visibly affected by my desires. He then turned towards his steering wheel and mumbled, "That is not right."  Unfazed by his reaction, I boldly switched on what I, the customer, wanted to listen to. Thirty seconds later he asked me, "Are you Muslim?"

"No," I replied. This seemed to shock him even more, happily assuming that I am some Hindu boy who is going against his religion. I bet his mind was complaining "What has become of the Hindu youth of today?" or something of that sort in some complex Hindi. His facial expressions begged me to answer the obviously lucid question, "Why are you betraying your religion?" (slightly exaggerated for dramatic effect.)

So I did him a favor and said, "I just feel like listening to what I want to, in a cab-ride I am paying for. I am not that religious anyway." That shut him up for a bit, but he was visibly disturbed. I enjoyed the remainder of the ride to work besides, of course,  the sporadic "If You Seek Amy" runs and other similar rot. We reached our destination and I gave him his whopping eighty bucks. As his right hand received the money, his left hand reached towards the "TAPE" button and the bhajans were on again. I laughed, marveled, was amused and entertained at the same time. The expression on my face was well, pretty indescribable.

I have nothing against Hinduism or Bhajans. But when I, the customer, am paying a shit load of money for a friggin' long cab ride to work, I can very much listen to exactly what I want to, at any (sane) volume I feel like. This idea of putting religion before everything else, even before the taxi-driver's business, is amusing indeed, but borders ridiculousness. God is great and all, but I really don't need to listen to "melodious" Bhajans early in the morning if I don't want to.

Are any of you Dubai taxi-drivers listening? While I am at it, I might as well tell you the following:

• It's your job to take us paying customers where we want to go.
• It's NOT cool to say that you need to go pray AFTER asking us where we want to go.
• It's rude to talk loudly and make conversation on the phone for more than a minute when your damned customer is sitting right next to you.
• Don't be disgusted at our demands to travel short distances. It's friggin' hot in Dubai and you're getting paid anyway.
• Don't ask us questions you don't need to.
• Make sure the cab smells okay.

P.S. On the same day, Jason, Ishika and I saw a 6ft 4inch-ish tall girl where 3-inch high heels. Again, I just don't get it. Jason and Ishika thought I was overthinking things and was getting bothered by something that shouldn't affect me. They are right of course, it's her life and all, but I just don't get it.

by Anish Malpani

U.A.E. Germanified & The Mini-Pitch Invasion

So, Romit, Bharath, Jason and I went and watched the Germany v/s U.A.E. friendly at Al Nasr Stadium in Dubai yesterday. I had forgotten my spectacles so the faces weren't as clear as they should have been, but it was still a worthwhile experience. U.A.E were pretty much massacred by Germany and a pathetic Gomez who somehow, despite his shizer-ness, still managed to manifiest four less-that magical goals. Here's the thing about the U.A.E. team - they are real good going up front but somehow cannot get their act together in defense despite their relatively large sizes. Oh deceptive physiques, I tell you! The problem is, I think, that the entire of the U.A.E. population (that plays football) just seems to want to attack all the time. The defence gets forgotten somewhere amidst that desire for glory.

Anyway, that was NOT what made the night. The game got over and we were ready to tag along towards the exit, when we witnessed a true spectacle of sorts. First, right in front of us, this brother jumped over the nine-feet-high fence-like barrier right on to field and trotted on towards the players and the officials who were busy greeting each other. No security in sight. A minute later, three little dudes, one with a fake-afro-like wig, jumped over on to the pitch from the other side. They trotted towards the German players and started taking pictures with them. No security in sight. They then started walking away, pleased with their achievements, when an epiphany struck the afro-dude. He turned around and starting running towards the German players again. Still, no security in sight. This afro-dude, somehow, managed to get this random German player's jersey to his sheer delight and to our amusement. Then, one of the other two dudes who was with this afro-guy, realized that he could/should do the same. So, he turned around and started running towards Schwinesteiger asking him for his jersey. Still, no security action (busy chattering away). Schwiney refused to give the kid a jersey, so the kid asked for a picture with him instead. Finally, the security officers realized that this dude was not supposed to be there. So, they started making their way towards him, slowly and steadily, to my genuine surprise. This kid, then had the balls to actually ask one of the officers to take a picture for him with Schwiney. At this instant, I was just too amused to react and kept watching in awe. I wish I could tell you that the security officer took the picture for the dude and gave him a big hug, but that, obviously, would have been too good to be true. The police officers finally escorted the dude away and the weird saga ended. We were amused no doubt with the whole thing. That friggin' afro-dude got his sweaty smelly German jersey and put it on instantly to our mediocre disgust. People are fascinating.

So, on a night when the Germans in Dubai had the Schwine Flu and Germany kiled the U.A.E. in a game of football (soccer), a fellow audience member could have quite easily jumped over the fence and killed a German player if he/she wanted to. Security issues, I tell you, made the night for us.

P.S. The internship at Dubai Sports City has begun and work's kinda intense already. It feels good to be useful for free...as off now. :)

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by Anish Malpani