Russell In Dubai!
Yes, we lucky people of Dubai always seem to get luckier. Russell Peters, arguably the best comedian in the world today, did four friggin’ shows the melting pot of the Middle East, each having been sold out more quickly than the other. He came, he conquered and he made us laugh our asses off!
Okay, enough of the formal crap.
Initially, we [especially Romit] were heart broken to hear that the great Russell would be performing just before our Physics exam. Bloody hell, I couldn't have hated ISC more. But then relief came and relief is always good. 18th of March was the perfect day to add 2 more shows Mr Peters, thank you! Tickets for his earlier shows had been sold out in 40 minutes, and the shows on the 18th got sold out in about 8 minutes. Romit and I bought 8 tickets. Brilliant.
The 18th day of March came faster than I thought it would. We were surprisingly occupied with tons of Redial Entertainment work, and umm some other “fun”. It was a long time since the five of us had been together and boy it felt good. But all that aside, Romit and I geared up for the gig. We had bought Bharath a ticket as a birthday gift, which he initially greeted with scorn to my surprise, but came around later. Bharath, sometimes you are just too nice, but I still love you.
We [Romit, Bharath & I] made our way to Crowne Plaza hotel at about 6:30, three and a half hours earlier than the beginning of the act, hoping to get the first row, and having our asses picked on. All of that did happen, and boy we enjoyed it.
In all popular concerts, programs and shows held in Dubai, there is one common thread - the annoying pre-entrance debacle. Today was pretty much the same. There was no line system initially and everyone seemed to be everywhere outside the entrance gates. So well we thought we might as well start a line. There we stood, all proud and tall, first in line to hit the seats. But then, suddenly, a couple of Arab people came in front of us and started chatting up their fellow over-weight Arab bodyguard. When you suck up, the result is always good, so there was no budging those suckers from the front of the line. Fine. Dealt with. Then this innocent Indian boy emerged, asking our fat fellow Arab bodyguard, which of the two lines was the VIP line. The fat racist Arab fellow put on this shit-ass fake Indian accent and told him that “this was the Vee-Aai-Pee Liyun, and this was the Narmal liyun”, pointing at the two different lines as if he was addressing someone slow. His fellow Arab suckers enjoyed a snigger, and the fat racist Arab basked in the glory. Now what the hell is that? Friggin’ racists. I gave that fat bodyguard a mean look, but then, that was most I had the balls to do.
We then entered the hall to form another non-organised line. The first few people [which obviously included us] were in line, but the remaining people were like a kindergarten class gone wild. Some weeping aunty-ji came like a little toddler to complain to the second big ball-less teacher-like bodyguard saying that 'no one was standing in line' and that 'everyone was “butting” in'. Some “chicks” joined aunty-ji and it was a beautiful ensemble of chicks, aunty-hens and big ball-less bodyguards. The second body guard gave into their plea and said that there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He therefore allowed them to butt into the line too - another bastard that one. The hypocritical chicks suddenly had tears of joys in their eyes. Brests always win with us men, don’t they?
Yup, I have sidetracked a little, but the humanity of Dubai is always worth a mention. Anyway, as soon as the doors opened, we rushed in like hounds, elbowing any obstruction in the way to get to the best possible seats. And by doing all that, we obviously did get the best seats. My parents were going to come in later, as they were evidently busy at work, so we saved them seats hoping that no Arab would pick a fight with us to get them. We were saved from this, but the Indian Sindhi sitting next to us fought her ass off against this aggressive Arab kid to protect seats for her loved ones. Congratufuckinlations to her.
We waited for an hour, at ease, sitting in the first row, enjoying the superior seats to those behind us. At 10:10 PM, the super-huge Greek "Angelo", Russel’s opening act, came onto the stage. He ridiculed his own obesity to make us laugh and was quite successful in that too. He was the perfect appetizer for Russell, and activated our stomachs for the main course.
Enter Russell Peters. He was obviously met with loud cheers from the over-enthusiastic crowd. Yes, I must admit, being a big fan, it was great to see him. Romit thought Russell had "teleportated" some of his weight. Russel began and penetrated our stomachs brilliantly, and was on song through out. Well I would say he was more than on song, he was on friggin’ fire. He didn’t repeat any of his earlier jokes, and cleverly inculcated the Dubai aspect in this new plethora of jokes. From the Lebanese “Habibis” to “Mr North Carolina”, from the “Egyptianpino” to his other impromptu crowd interaction, and from his usual spin on hairy Indians to his brilliantly witty jokes, Russell entertained our asses off. His impersonation of George Bush was spot on and his take on the Football World Cup 2006 was awesomely hilarious too. What makes him brilliant is that he has this wonderful ability of striking the right note and making a universal connection with his Asian dominated crowd. And besides just being plain funny, Russell's jokes have bitter honesty in them. As he said on his CBC interview, it's easier for a coloured comedian to spurt the honesty in an act than some bimbo President in some Congressional speech.
I had a fair share of his crowd-interaction. Being an Indian, Russell screwed me over my apparent hair-yness. He spotted my monobrow and told me to shave it off because it would give me two eyebrows, and for us Indians, the more of anything the merrier, right? He didn’t leave me there. Later on, when he spoke about Indian men and their hairy dicks, he picked me out yet again and told me to shave that jungle off too. Cool. Yes I was a working definition of the Indian man for Russell. As Romit later said, I got what I want. Russel then went off and came on for an encore. He then threw upon us my favourite joke of the evening on “Bollywood Pornography”. Romit and I almost fell out of our chairs, and I have never heard my Dad laugh so loudly. It was a perfect end to brilliant show of a brilliantly talented comedian.
The fairy-tale-like experience didn’t end there. We then got to meet Russell & Angelo in a conference room where we took photos with him and got his autographs. He remembered my mono-brow and I did have one-tenth of a conversation with him, but he gave most of his attention to the hot girls that were there. I don’t blame Russel for this. He was being a true man. I like this honest entertainer.
P.S. Besides all the fun, Arsenal lost
today, and I lost my house keys.
Redial Entertainment Kickstarted
Redial Entertainment has formally begun...www.redial-entertainment.blogspot.com
Dubai Desert Rock 2007!
After eternally terminating Chemistry from your life, there is nothing more positive you can hope for. But then Desert Rock comes along, and redefines everything. Morally, what Ali and I did was wrong. In the middle of your board examinations, ideally, you shouldn’t be allowed to attend an 80DB+ concert. It’s not right. But our blessed parents don’t exactly resonate with that notion. Thank God.
Essentially, we went there to fulfill half of Ali’s dream - IRON MAIDEN. We made no compromises. We were the first few people to line up, and planned to maintain our 100% record of standing in the first row for every single Desert Rock since its inception in 2004. However, around us, in the lines, were clearly the most annoying aspects of Dubai - the people. You can’t get faker and more loser-ish then them. Their definition of fun is weird, and the only constant pain-in-the-asses for the entire of this Desert Rock are the people. Having reached there 4 hours before the gates opened, we were trying our best to entertain ourselves. So, well, just for fun, we started singing some Backstreet Boys stuff, you know, to see the response of the faggots around us. And it was exactly what we thought it would be. They ridiculed, abused and laughed at us. Their sense of humour really seemed to be up their bums. One of these cool-wannabe rockers, this 15 year old kid who thought he was the son of the Metal Gods, started pulling our leg bordering on pure harshness. So to get the plot - “What the hell is your problem?” asked Ali.
“My problem is that you are a fat-ass Indian,” was the reply. Haih? What was hilarious to see was the enormous joy that he experienced having cracked what he thought was a purely brilliant joke. Ali and I were unaffected, but bemused. Wow, some people are so shallow. The British girls next to him seemed to be having a ball of a time too, ridiculing us with their haughty and gay ascents. One Arab female started mocking our Indian ascent, and everyone was having a blast, with us being the sources of fun. That freak 15-year-old told the non-stop-singing Ali to sing some Punjabi-MC stuff, trying to drown us in embarrassment using his sarcastically sadist Indian accent. We don’t even talk like that. Anyway we were amused and had our own ball at how ridiculously fascinating people can be.
Finally we did enter the arena, and there was no controlling our exuberant energy. We needed to be in that first darn row. We needed to run our asses off to secure our positions, and we did. Joy, unconfined! But we forgot to get our fluorescent green arm bands, and therefore, essentially, we were “illegal” for the entire of the concert. Anyway, what was fascinating to see was that half of Modern High was there - loads of 11th graders and 9th graders and a chunk of 9th grade girls. The latter bit was confusingly amusing. Fine Tandon knew her stuff, but the other girls seemed a bit lost. Anyway it was interesting none the less.
At 2:00 PM, Junkyard Groove took control of the stage, and surprisingly, they were really good. Yes technical difficulties did muck it up a little, but their front-man, Ameeth, covered up really well. I found their music really soulful, and the band-members very genuinely passionate. I just loved their music, and am really looking forward to getting their album, which is out soon. From their Myspace profile: “What do you get when you put a drummer with heavy metal roots, a guitarist with classic rock roots, a bassist crazy about Jazz and a very drunken vocalist, in 1 band? Junkyard Groove!” It’s worth giving them a listen. Amidst all this, some “Metal” fans, or well “Wannabe Rockers” were “moshing” to their music. Now Junkyard Groove are essentially an Alternative band, so there was no real reason to mosh, but hey man, “it’s cool.”
The Groove were followed by the most untalented celebrity singers of all time – Lauren Harris. Fine she is sexy, hot and all the rot, but that woman is in no way a great singer. She sings all her songs on a low register and tries to make a very desperate effort to come off as a rocker with her fake grimace, singing some “Take Me Home” shyte or something. She is the epitome of ‘riding on your father’s back’, and I was in no way entertained by her, though her accompanying band (i.e. a guitarist, a bassist and a drummer) were not bad at all.
Mastadon follwed Harris and weren’t that great either. They seemed to be lost in their own world. They literally came out, performed and left. There was no crowd-interaction, no uniqueness and basically no performance as of such. Ali did defend them later on saying that they are all about the music and beyond the crowd interaction, and when it came to music they were quite brilliant. But hey, I am at a concert, and I am paying to watch you. The least you can do is half-entertain me. Anyway, SK, who was in the first row till now, got squeezed out after almost having been squashed to death. The crowd is insane for these Metal concerts. They are aggressive, arrogant, self-righteous and so fake, most of them anyway.
In Flames, who were up next, were much better and seemed to have a decent fan-following. This really attractive chick next to me knew all their stuff. Personally, I found them to be quite decent. As a group, they were good performers with some good songs and enough amounts of energy. I liked their lead singer, though he somehow reminded me of Vivek Malhotra.
Stone Sour didn't disappoint either. It was obviously all about Corey Taylor. As Ali said, Corey was one solid sob - energy personified, and one of the best bald head-bangers ever. Just looking at his vigour was entertaining...wow! He was so spell bounding that I don't even remember the other band members' faces. Anyway, I really enjoyed "Through The Glass" and loved the way Corey gave music some substance, though I was a little disappointed that they didn't play "Bother" [the only other song I knew :P].
Prodigy, for me, were just bad. I hated every moment of their performance, which is quite contradictory to what most of the other people felt. Initially, they seemed promising, with their fancy light set up, and this new-generation DJ-Console-like thing. But all they played was non-stop dhin-chak-dhin-chak heavy metal bet that really got to you after some time. They were so loud, and so monotonous, Ali and I just couldn’t get a grip of them, and subsequently ourselves, as our heads burst into dhin-chak-dhin-chak pain . The lead-singers didn’t do much. They were just screaming the entire time, and their crazy guitarist seemed weirdly insane.
Iron Maiden were a complete contrast to Prodigy. After a long wait, and total stage revamp, they finally erupted on to stage and sent the crowd into orgasmic ecstasy. Their unlimited energy, legendary status and supremely-entertaining music capped off a brilliant night. They seemed to make everything worth it. With a war-like stage-dress-code, the infamous tank and Eddie, they gave Dubai the full on 'Maiden Experience'. They literally blew the living daylights out of us. Usually they perform their e
ntire new album when they tour, but they made sure they played their classics too. ‘Number of the Beast’, ‘Run to the Hills’, ‘Iron Maiden’ and ‘The Trooper’ really got the crowd going. Ali, with his supreme Maiden knowledge, knew exactly what was going to happen next. He flipped when Bruce Dickenson cried, “Scrrreaam for me, Dubai!” Wow! They were mesmerizing, especially when the infamous Tank kicked into action, and when Eddie walked on to the stage, in his trademark lanky death-walk. WOW! In addition to that, Bruce’s limitless amount of energy and Mcbrain’s guitar-throwing exploits made it even more awesome. Their stamina for high-energy level performances at their old-ish ages is awe-inspiring. They were simply brilliantly brilliant.
Wow, it was one memorable night, the 9th of March. We did become partially deaf immediately afterwards, and did have a temporary 2-day period of Tinnitus later, but hell, it was worth it! =)
That was day 1 of the 2 day festival that was Dubai Desert Rock 2007. We didn’t make it to the second day because we were half deaf, pretty worn out and filled with guilt at the aspect of not studying enough. Ahh, life!
P.S. A friggin’ long post, but a memory successfully created. As a matter of fact, this post is essentially only for two people.
Memoirs of ISC 2007 – Physics
This exam felt painstakingly important to me until I actually started writing it. I had studied enough, slept enough, fantasized-about-what-would-happen-after-it enough and stressed enough, now I just needed to get it out of my system.
The car-ride was pretty uneventful except for Ali’s big fat intimidating ABC Physics book. Shayaan hadn’t studied that well for this exam, so that was encouraging. I enjoyed showing off in the car, and that did annoy the hell out of Ali. Oh, and I had decided to make use of a camera on our last ever exam together as a science batch, so the picture =). Damn I’m going to miss these exams. From the twins walking into school like robots, to us over-discussing things, to Sodium Orgasmate, to us hounding our teachers, to the twins making up good sensible shit for things they have no idea about, to Unmukt’s “not their in the portion” reactions, to Romit’s inability to correctly define things and to the highest amount of stress-releasing laughter we will ever have together as a group, I am really going to miss it. Not now, but later definitely.
Anyway, so I took enough pictures (which I will put up on Facebook soon) to satisfy my memory-cravings years down the line. Oh, and if you ever want to see Ali’s version of “getting-cow-screwed”, let me know. It’s a very udder-ful video to say the least. That and few pictures of Reshmi Ma’am “solving our doubts” – pure gold footageI say!
On a more serious note, before entering the hall, I did get some of my doubts sorted out, but came no where close to the actual morning-revision target I had set. That never happens anyway. We talk, laugh and try to cry, and have a whole lot of fun doing all that, before making a surprisingly sober and sane entry into the hall. After lining up in the AC Foyer, Mr Bloud told us very proudly that he would be saying our prayer. Wow, joy.
We finally did enter the hall, and for a moment, were a little insecure when our question papers didn’t seem to be around. We waited. Oliyolah came. Thank God. We got the paper and it looked weird. It seemed short, but had a lot of unheard of stuff in it. “Digital signals”? “Production pair”? There were some wrong sums too - so unlike the board. Anyway the paper was decent. I don’t think I did enough to get a 90, but Shrivats is getting 99 for sure. Unmukt is getting 100, “maybe”. Shayaan wanted to have a bad paper and had a bad paper. Ali has given up on everything. He just doesn’t care. “Coolness”, I say. He is very, uhm well, happy nowadays and it’s cool, if you know what I mean. Tejas thinks I am getting 100. I really can’t figure that one out. Rubin and Aaron were our Gauss-saviors, and Tejas’ XOR-saviors. Oh and Bharath’s getting a 100/100 too. Govind will also probably max. I am telling you the competition is heating up! I feel that Computers might be the difference. Hmm let’s see. Common Bharath!
The usual dispersal mela followed after the end of the exam with everyone screaming and hounding Ms. Menon yet again. I had my camera out, and was taking random shots. I then almost got bitten by Karan’s dog . Anything to do with that family can’t stand me. Ahh I guess its mutual, and there is definitely an anti-connection. And it makes sense unlike the other “connections” that I have been having lately.
Anyway, the physical experience ended with Ali and me trying to make the fastest and crap-iest video ever. Hopefully I will have time to decorate it someday. For now, 14 days till Eco. What's lined up? Lots of Redial Entertainment work, lots of football and some more of Redial Entertainment work, basically lots of fun.
In our car-ride home, Ali and I did dirty things with Ali’s plasticine.
P.S. The race is heating up, and the investments are as expectedly not coming. Brilliant you guys! However, the odds as they stand now:
Shayaan: 3.5:1
Shrivats: 2.7:1
Bharath: 3:1
Unmukt: 3:1
Govind: 3:1
Tejas: 7080090 x 10^903: 1
Memoirs of ISC 2007 – Environmental Education
I hated studying for this exam. Our ‘Enviro’ textbook was pure crap. Reeta David seriously needs to find a new career path. I plan to write a letter to the publishers telling them how unorganized, vague and superfluous their ‘great’ book of theirs is. Maybe someday it will happen, but whatever. The past few days were pathetic, study-wise that is. Desert Rock, “Titinus” and other things made it difficult for me to study anything - more on that when I get time to write about Desert Rock.
Everyone came into school wanting a 90+ in what is supposedly an easy-to-score-by-bluffing subject. Harry wanted 100. Romit and Bharath entered with Bharath’s face beaming with excitement like it so often is. He couldn’t wait to tell us Romit’s newest legendary sayings. Apparently, Romit thinks that “environment and development are same sides of two coin.” Thanks Bengali Babu for adding another "great-un" to your pool of ridiculousness. Mr. Sharma asked whether we wanted to go to India to play football matches against some of top schools there this summer, and we whole heartedly agreed. Hopefully it will happen Aaron, let’s see. [I am hating my English right now. Plus this headache and the desire to sleep is really annoying me.]
After asking Mrs Ghosh a gazillion times what 'Ecological Indicators' are, and whole bunch of other rubbish, we finally entered the auditorium. We got our paper, and immediately I hated everything about it. I hated the questions, I hated what I wrote, I hated writing it, I just hated the entire experience, and boy, I am glad it’s over. The Indian School Certificate examinations has so got its Environmental Education wrong. I really feel like venting about how pathetic our 'Enviro' syllabus, but it doesn’t even deserve that, not now at least. Anyway, it seriously has its priorities messed up. Alas, only ISC knows how to make perfectly useful and important subject, absolute crap. Anyway how much ever I hated writing the paper, I am still hoping to scrape a 90. Seriously, an 89.5 will do! However, after the paper ended, the after-exam discussions were “marred” with the Headboy’s aggressive, loud and un-needed speech. Just pay your 10 dirhams guys, it’s not worth the drama. And Ritesh relax, I wonder where all this enthusiasm of yours went when Bharath was Dhs 300+ in debt.
Anyway, this paper was totally Bio-students friendly which is kinda annoying. But it gives people like Shayaan, Shri, Kau and the rest of the Bio freaks an edge. They will probably be doing really well in it. Unmukt, despite being an Eco-student, got “micro-nutrients” right, and pre-exam time he had said that he was “screwed”. Yeah he is distracted for certain reasons, but he is also Unmukt none the less – 100/100. Ashiq, Tejas and almost everyone else seemed happy. Romit did an extra question, however I really hope it wasn’t coin related. Aaron is getting full, and Ali is guarenteed full in physics. Rubin was starring at me, and I was starring at Karan. Again that Vesuvius finished his paper super-fast, but says to have written two pages per answer. How? Ameya broke all records by sleeping for one complete hour during his exam, and Jeetu just couldn’t contain his shock at this. Also, apparently Ameya left one question because he didn’t have enough time to think. Anyhoo, I seriously don’t care. I just hope, like everyone else, that I scrape a 90 and be done with it. Phyiscs, on the other hand, I consider semi-important. I need to do well, and I really hope I study today. But before that, sleep is essential.
P.S. Odds for “Who Will Top?” as they stand:
Shayaan: 3.3:1
Shrivats: 2.5:1
Bharath: 3.2:1
Unmukt: 3:1
Govind: 3:1
Tejas: 70800 x 10^3: 1
Romit: 2 coin to 1 coins
Memoirs of ISC 2007 – Chemistry
All bad things come to an end, and I’m glad they do.
Most of us didn’t get much sleep last night. From Zafar’s frantic midnight call to request ‘Isomerism’ sheets, to Ali’s refusal of letting me study, to Unmukt’s first-time-ever five hour marathon of studying and to the last night’s Champion’s League action that I missed, yesterday was terrible. Studying or trying to study for 24 hours is not a friggin’ joke. But I guess, we were the “makers of our own fate” and all that rot. However the common thread uniting most of us commoners was that we really didn’t give/don't give a shit about chemistry. Yes, not the best of attitudes to have, but when the legendary ISC allows you to fail in two out of six subjects, you might as well fail in what deserves to fail in. Obviously we aren’t “failing” but get the vibe.
Today’s morning was especially stressful. The only positive aspect of that is the fact that releasing this stress with the people you love is a rare joy. How else would Sodium Orgasmate been formulated? Or Kablu Khan for that matter, and all the other things that I can't now remember, but which you can enlighten me with. By the way, if interested, ask Romit or Ali for the exact Khan-Sen Synthesis of Sodium Orgasmate.
Everyone was laughing their stress off, by mocking and ridiculing themselves. Aaron was up to his “screwed” best, which he substantiated when he told me that Phthalic Acid was a Monomer of Terylene. Oh and Rubin knew it too, and so did Jeetu. But yup, they were all 'screwed'. Yeah, Ali you are probably going to want to jump me for what you might consider to be my 'hypocrisy', but too bad. Ameya hadn’t studied anything as usual, where as we were all secretly praying in our hearts that Tejas had studied enough to pass. Romit had done the entire portion, much to the annoyance of Ali, whereas Ashiq and I could still not get over his dream. Basically we were all crapping in our pants before we entered the examination hall, how much ever we tried to mask it with the “don’t-care” attitude.
The paper was tough. According to me, it was tough to score very high marks in, but easy to get a good decent score in. It was better than I thought it would be, and I guess most would agree. I did, however, make the stupid mistake of not pacing out my paper well. I did an extra question in Section A before reaching Organic, and then I didn’t have enough time to do Organic properly, a section in which I knew most of the stuff. But no regrets, I am just happy it’s over.
Outside, the aftermath saw the nerds going insane with the answers and started hounding Dr Khan over intricate details. The irony of the day was that for all the “student-friendly” lectures that Dr Khan gave us, Chemistry was the most un-student-friendly paper we have had yet. Bharath, Kaushik and Nikhil had visibly disappointed looks on their faces trying their best to convince themselves that they are losing only “half-a-mark”. Oh, the tension and drama of competition I say!
Meanwhile outside the school gates, Karan was at his volcanic best, abusing and amusing everyone around him, with his "don't-give-a-shit", "atheist" attitude. I remember, in 7th Grade, I annoyed him so much that he once took out his craft-blade, and came out to kill me. Believe me, he did, literally. People had to hold him back. I freaked, obviously. It was probably as bad as the time Rohit Das "choke-slammed" me onto the lockers. The reason - I used tell him to "keep-smiling". Bloody hell, he could never wipe that smirk off his face, so I used to mocking-ly encourage it. Ahh memories!
Today, Ali is not getting full, but Aaron is, and Shayaan seemed to have had a rocking paper, making minimal mistakes. Hmm, maybe the odds require new entries.
For me, this is the first of three “end-of-exams”. I have the whole of the Desert Rock to look forward too, which no doubt will be bloody exciting. Iron Maiden, Robert Plant! We are very lucky here in Dubai; rather we are a little spoilt with all these high profile performers being showered upon us with unbelievable ease. But hey, I am not complaining.
Sleep is essential.
By the way, Wild Wadi was great fun. You should have seen Kaushik’s face after having experienced the “Jumeirah Scare” and realizing that he had mucked up DDT.
P.S. The odds for “Who Will Top?” as they currently stand:
Shayaan: 3.5:1
Shrivats: 2.8:1
Bharath: 3.2:1
Unmukt: 3.3:1
Govind: 3:1
Tejas: 70800 x 10^3: 1