Good Tiger
Dear Tiger,
You have balls. You went around having sex with anything that you found attractive, hid it from the world for a very long time, got caught red handed, escaped from gasping mothers to undergo sex therapy, and three months later, stood strong and faced your sins. At today's press conference, you were brutally honest and I loved it. I thought what you did was super courageous, seriously. You were sincere and you laid it all down. That's cool. Everyone makes mistakes, some great golfers make massive mistakes, but overcoming them is the important bit. You hit the right spots, you did. Kudos.
Amidst all this shamefulness and embarrassment that you created for yourself, you have at least become the most colorful personality in the history of sport. You kicked ass on the golf course and got ass off it. You then became a man, owned up to your mistakes, and created a little movie magic for yourself. You will obviously not be forgotten in the near future, even if it's not for the right things. Convenient, right? Almost. You might be the most celebrated unfaithful person, ever. Sorry Tiger, sometimes being famous is not all that fun.
Now, you should come back on to the golf course sooner than later and and get back to kicking everyone's ass. That usually shuts everyone up. And I prefer you in your Nike cap.
Good luck.
P.S. Who was the best? And after answering that, also let me know why would you cheat on someone as hot as your wife? http://easytigermodels.com/images/ellen%20nodgren%20with%20hawk.jpg
Addiction
This might seem strange. My "addiction" has nothing to do with alcohol, drugs, women or food. It's a game. Not a mind game, not a board game and not really a "video game", it's well, by definition, a 'computer' game. It's not something as meaningless as Counter Strike or Command & Conquer or something as ridiculous as The Sims. My addiction is Football Manager 2009.
What is Football Manager 2009? It is this football (soccer) "game" where the player (i.e YOU) takes charge of a football team (as its manager). You deal with everything related to the team - from tactics to transfers to press conferences to player dramas to managerial mind games and professional scouting. It as close as you can get to living every true football fanatic's dream. I am stuck in.
This game is a platonic simulation of the real world. A world I would love to be a part of but of which I cannot yet, be a part of. So instead, I let myself divulge in a guilty pleasure, which would be all okay if I just left it at that. But this is where the addiction comes in. There are times when I just cannot stop playing it. I am more engrossed in it than I am engrossed in life and it’s as if I have given reins of my emotions to this stupid (not really) yet genius (totally) piece of manifestation (game). I get angry - not when I lose, but when I shouldn't lose. I get so so angry. Mum gets the worst of it sometimes, which is, yes, scary. Addiction, you see?
I have tried oh so many times to stop playing. I have uninstalled and deleted every possible inch of it from my computer only to scathingly know that another copy of it lies on my external. I have downloaded the best possible tactics (don't ask me how this is possible - it just is) and the best possible wonderkid shortlists from the world wide web, which, if you haven't figured yet, have brought me less joy in victory and more pain in defeat, but that shimmering joy has been worth it (not really if you really come to think of it, but hey, I am getting carried away). I have given way too many hours of my life into something I have always wanted to become in real life, but it's almost like I am letting the virtual experience ruin it. Addiction.
On a complete tangent, you can take this as a super awesome review of a truly genius game. It is so good and so real (at times) that it can literally get you addicted. I know I am not the only one. This game has destroyed marriages and killed jobs. It's like Adam's poisonous Apple. Shit, I'm getting biblical. Addiction. Bloody hell.
It's sad in retrospect and I really need to get it out of my system. Even though it's not the worst thing to be addicted to (heroin kills folks, remember?), it's kinda embarrassing. No, but I really hope I could make this game reality, but until then I need to get rid of this stupid (not really) and genius (totally) e-pill.
P.S. Just for the record, I am currently doing pretty well with Birmingham actually, got them promoted and then some European action. But shit, I need to stop. Life's kinda more important. Oh and Jason, help me out here man!
Movie Overload
So I just got done with work a couple of weeks ago and online summer school a couple of days ago, so freedom feels good. Obviously, there is a ton of other important things I need to do and should be doing, but all that can take a back seat for a couple of days.
We went and saw Public Enemies today. Johnny Depp, Christian Bale and kickass trailer were convicing enough. We didn't read reviews before hand though. Big mistake. It was shit. Super duper shit. It made "New York" (read post below) look decent. Yeah, it was that bad. Okay, the cinematography was decent, the acting was good (obviously), but the story sucked (yes, there is no better word to describe it). It lacked everything that New York had and New York lacked everything Public Enemies had. Weird. I don't get it. My true reaction to the movie - why in the world would you make a movie like that? It's really really friggin' weak. I was waiting for it to start, waiting for some twist to betwixt us between the twain, but no, nothing.
It was so frustrating/depressing that I had to come back and watch a movie to get over it. So I saw Match Point - a decent movie, but it's too wrong to like. Didn't help. So I ended up watching The Hangover instead. Best thing that happened to me today, and probably this entire week. It's friggin' hilarious. It's so damn funny that it's not even worth reviewing.
This blog should have more than just half-assed movie reviews. I just can't sum up the courage/time to do that though.
P.S. Ironically, as in with no relation to The Hangover, it was a really good night-out with the guys. Truth y Truth, I tell you.
The Tragedy That Is “New York”
I have never before seen a more mental massacre of a perfectly brilliant concept until I saw the new Bollywood film "New York". The storyline, the message and concept was strong and arguably genius. Yes, Katrina Kaif is hot and that's always a positive, but the script was super, super pathetic. The acting wasn't any better - the best bit was played by the random-est of characters, whose name I have forgotten and which can surprisingly, not be found on the internet with ease. The "slow motion" technique was used way too often and slowed the movie down. Kaif's Hindi was laughable and she smiled out of context way too much, but she sizzling-ly scwow, so she’s forgiven. That Nitin fellow, who played the lead role, is a really really lousy actor. I don't know how he has made it big. John Abe showed glimpses of decency but was average overall.
The beauty of all this annoyance is that it's friggin' hilarious. Every time something dramatic happened, firstly the damn slow motion thing kicked in and secondly, the most dramatic music imaginable erupted. The expressions were hilarious and drama was often predictable. The script was "deep" at times, or tried to be deep, but most of the friggin' actors couldn't pull it off - Irfann was expectantly decent. There were no song/dance sequences in this film. Thankfully, right? Wrong. The film started creating excuses to play songs and the extremely "filmy" montages were way too long. And they kept bringing the same damn song back during moments of drama, much to yes, our annoyance. So anyway, I, along with my great sister, laughed a lot in this film, and admittedly, we were loud and obnoxious. But hey, we were looking of ways to derive pleasure from this movie, and there weren’t many options. My Dad, who is considerably easier to please when it comes to Bollywood, was getting annoyed by our obnoxiousness. He glared at me like he had never before, crunching his teeth until the grinding could be heard. How utterly shameless and childish behavior was this! But, we "grown ups" laughed even louder. It didn't help our cause and thus began a weird fight - sis and I couldn't stop laughing, and Mum and Dad couldn't stop getting angrier. They told us that we should have walked out of the "damn theatre" if we hated it so much. But we were enjoying the annoyance way too much to leave. Parents, I tell you :).
Fine, I am not a Bollywood fan. If a Hindi movie is bad, I will kill it. But if it's good, I will and have in the past, shown pride and honor. (Want proof? Here.) Most Bollywood-lovers enjoyed this movie, especially since it had almost been two months since the Indian Film Industry had come out with anything. It was better than the worst but lousy none the less. A waste of money? No not entirely - it was a weirdly memorable family day. Anyway here's to more stories like this, but less scripts, acting and direction like this. Here's to more Taare Zameen Pars and Dil Chahta Hais. Rock On - metaphorically, literally, and relational-ly.
P.S. Just for the record, I know this "review" is a couple of weeks too late. But opinion is opinion.
Facebook Chat LIMIT?
Dear Facebook,
I am completely bamboozled right now. I was on your Facebook Chat a few minutes ago, talking to people and catching up on life among other things. Fine, I was talking to quite a few people for a quite a while. However, like a friggin' facebolt from the blue, this is what you slapped on my screen:
"You have exceeded the limit for sending chat messages!
You are temporarily blocked from sending chat messages. Block times may vary depending on the feature and scale of abuse. Blocks cannot be lifted.
Misuse of Facebook's features may result in your account being disabled."
With all due respect, WHAT THE $%!@? Do you "think" I'm spamming people? Oh, are y'all guessing? What the hell do you think I'm trying to do? And you might "block" me for overusing your features? Don't get me wrong, you are pretty cool and super handy, but this is slightly messed up. FB Chat has always had issues, but this one's kinda extreme. Yes, it's to prevent spamming and all, but you got to do better than that.
Look, you guys are doing an awesome job, but you have got to sort this FB Chat issue out. Facebook Chat is super convenient, but get it right, will you? Google and MSN are pretty smooth. So if they can do it, you should too, right? Ooh, did I touch a nerve there? Apologies. I am just voicing my concerns. Please don't block me.
Sincerely,
A
P.S. Please print and keep, k?
Brazil V USA V Football Irony V Luck
So, yesternight in the Confederations (i.e. Pointless) Cup Final, Brazil beat USA coming back from 2 goals down. Here's the irony, even if USA would have won (which really would not have happened), they would have no where come close to deserving their win. It's quite obvious that they are technically no where close to Brazil. They have no midfield and no real play maker. The commentator (who was so biased towards USA - these Englishman have something perpetually against Brazil), yesternight, kept raving about the size of Altidore, but that chico is arguably smaller than Lucio, Luizao, Julio Cesar, Luis Fabiano and a ton of other big players in other good footballing teams. Besides Altidore and the other stuff, USA was lucky enough to take advantage of the chances they got which were considerably straight forward. Dempsey really did not know where the ball was going when he made the "intentional" (haha right) volley count. That does not make USA a good team. When it comes to bare bones, as in creativity and technical skills, USA is not competitive. So, the comparison to Brazil, and the so called "close encounter," is farcical. Please do not make much of it.
Just as a refresher, USA qualified for the knock out round of the Pointless Cup, not because of a superior number of points, not because of a better goal difference, not because of a better head to head, but because they scored one more goal than Italy. Yes one friggin' goal! So yeah, all I want to do is calm the hype down. Through a bizarre connection of circumstances and a massive gigantic bucket full of luck, USA quite miraculously made it through. Yes, they were decently organized at times and surprised Spain. Yes, Tim Howard is a good goalkeeper. Yes, Donavan's counter-attack-made goal was decent. But USA is still pretty average. They are technically weak. They are not a threat and were never a threat to Brazil. What was threatening was bloody luck. It went the right way in the end though, so no worries.
P.S. I am not anti-USA. I am just pro-Brazil and a little frustrated by all the American reactions.
Transformed. Again.
Okay, so everyone might not be raving about the new Transformers movie. Yes, it has some super melodramatic scenes in it with a lot of obvious and predictable deaths and rebirths, but it was still very very entertaining. We caught Transformers 2 at the Dubai IMax Thursday night and it was pure entertainment. From the sheer sexiness of Megan Fox, who had a greater appeal to my bro Jason than the movie itself, to the kickass action and the unsurpassable CGI, Transformers 2 just grips you and pulls you in, especially if you are a fan. The kickass music, the arguably effective humor and Megan Sex, I mean Fox - it's kinda complete in its own way. I don't really want to review it and get into the nitty grittys - a lot of websites are doing that already and IMDB will give you a gazillion reviews, so go hunt there.
On a personal level, I seriously seriously missed a long, almost lost friend of mine. A super crazy Transformers geek, he convinced me over and over again, even after I was convinced, how great Transformers 1 was going to be and this was almost two years ago. And then, we went and watched it - the first damn show in the country and yes it rocked our worlds. We raved and cursed in pure joy-filled shock and I bet Ali, I mean the friend, had a mini-orgasm of his own. Still remember that. Those were the days. I wish it could have been like that yesterday too. Memories and old times are killer sometimes. I missed him dearly. I wish he was there. There, the Transformers saga is personal now. Hope the third one is even more kick ass and a little more personally satisfying.
P.S. The friend is being a douche and not coming back to Dubai this summer. What a friggin fool.
Sorrow. No No, Irritation
It has been a while since I have genuinely enjoyed cricket. It's the one friggin' sport that my country comes close to dominating. We were very much the favorites - if you're Indian you know what that means - super high expectations from the souls of every single Indian. It's one sport that we are truly passionate about. Well, passionate is an understatement. It's one sport that Indians are mindless maniacs about. And today's humiliating, embarrassing loss to the friggin' English is going to ignite the mania that is Indian cricket. I feel sorry for Jadeja. We lost because of him. He never kicked off and didn't even seem to be trying. His facial expressions were beyond irritating. His wannabe -sniffs and weird facial movements add to the pure irritation that an Indian cricketer cannot afford to elicit. He is probably going to get death threats. His house is probably going to be set on fire. No surprise there and he deserves no sympathy either. Get your act together man and do something in the near future that sorts this out.
The Indian cricket mentality needs to be understood. Imagine, a country of one billion people plays only one sport at a decent level. One billion Indians breathe cricket. They have their lives revolving around cricket to the extent that when a Indian cricket game is on, India stops. If one billion of us cannot produce 11 cricketers to dominate the cricket scene, we just cannot tolerate it. Cricket is a way of life. So, to get any sort of relief, we have to start throwing blame at anyone we can - the selectors, the captain, and the most apt person at this moment to be bombarded with bazookas and bombs - Jadeja.If you play for India, you better learn to handle the pressure. Jadeja lost the game for us. Yes, he is young, naive and probably shouldn't be blamed. But, when the one thing that Indian pride thrives on gets shambled because of a lethargic innings in probably the most important cricket match of the year, you just cannot sympathize with anyone, even with a naive, little kid. Grow up man, and grow up fast. We'll love you for sixes, but we'll bite you for your shite.
I am no big fan of cricket. I was once. And for a moment, it all came back. The one thing India can be proud about was just thrown away because of major over-confidence issues, poor decisions and plain lethargy on friggin' Jadeja's part. People will say, "be gentle with the kid". But he has got to understand the consequences of his friggin' indolence or whatever made him swallow himself. India cannot friggin' afford that. It is so, SO frustrating.
P.S. Work tomorrow. Alarm's set to 6:30. Sleep is essential. And yeah, the Jadeja vent is definitely harsh. Reality bites.