Blocked!
Ok, this has got nothing to do with MSN Messenger and my status on the list of my MSN buddies. It's just about a phase. Recently, my posts have been philosophical and commemorative in nature, but this one is a little more personal.
Have you ever reached a 'phase' in your life when you suddenly don't understand anything? Weird things happen. People who are really dear to you start frustrating you, and the funny thing is that you actually get frustrated. Indolence starts creeping in, and how much ever you want to change yourself, it doesn't happen. Weird. You start worrying about your future, your past, your responsibilities, your reputation, or in a nutshell - yourself. You worry, but you don't do anything, and that's where things go out of hand - you get blocked and stuck.
Don't get me wrong, my life does not suck. I am no hedonist. I believe problems and shortcomings are all a part of life. And life only gets better when you start to understand and correct them. But right now I am drowned with too many woes, which in no way should be mine. A lot of these woes have been transmitted from others, and have been created from self-construed conclusions and emotions, which ideally should not affect me. A lot of people have affected me to an extent that I am thoroughly perplexed. My thoughts have gone haywire. I worry too much. And the funny thing is that I know what my problem is - I have no control over my mind. And I also know the solution - Vipassana Meditation.
Ok, yeah, an unexpected solution, but hear me out. I am no ascetic nor a believer in any of these religious practices. But Vipassana is not a religios practice, in fact, it's a science. It is a proved science that teaches you to get control over your mind. My parents are ardent meditators, who practice Vipassana religiously (no pun intended), and the effect it has had on them is unbelievable. My dad, known for his extra-worrying-attitude (like mine), has benefited so much from it, that mentally and emotinally he has reached a self satisfying balance, which, especially for a doctor, is priceless.
What does Vipassana do? It imparts in you the powers of concentration, memory and self control. It preaches no religion and forces nothing upon you, but allows self purfication in an extremely logical and scientific way. It helps you to think more rationally and chase away all your extraneous fears and worries. All it asks for is diligence, and that is not easy. You have to read about Vipassana - http://www.dhamma.org/
This 'solution' has been laid down on a platter for me. Still, I am not making the most of it. Why?
That is what's worrying. I need to start focusing and working, and start studying! I need meditation, I need a peace of mind. It's easy to say but let's see if I actually start utilizing this solution? Because that's where I'm failing myself.
P.S - Apologies for a truly boring and self centered post, but sometimes your blog is a good place to vent.
My Mother
She is a working-wife. She is a house wife. She is a homeopathic doctor. She does most of the chores at home. She feeds us. She stimulates us. She binds us all together in a way that we are the strings of her guitar. Without her, we would almost fall apart. She keeps us fine tuned, and allows us to freely march into our own ambitions with little regard for anything else. Such little regard, that at times I feel I have disappointed her with my adamant harshness. She imbibes all our frustrations of school, work and play, and gives us the most amount of care. She doesn't abide with the Newton's 3rd law. She cares, and however we are with her, she will always continue to care. Every evening, when I come home tired and dead at 6:00 pm, my food is ready on the table. Every morning, she gets up at 5:40 am to make sure I get my school tiffin and my morning breakfast.
After all the hardwork at home, she has many achievements to be proud of. She is an ardent meditator who has done 3 Vipassana courses and has also travelled to Burma for her meditation. She has been in many news publications for her homeopathy, and on the 3rd of May, 2006 she was on the radio, on 99.3 Dubai FM. She is one of the most caring and supportive mothers ever, and I know that she will always be there for me, and for her entire family, like she always has.
It's just that I don't appreciate her efforts enough. So this is how I want to redeem myself.
"Dr.(Mrs) Deena Malpani, Mum, Wife - I salute you. We salute you." - Abha, Anish, Kishore.
The Past Few Weeks - The Greatest Lesson
The 'Past Few Weeks' saga came to an abrupt end. You see, there is this problem, called time, so many of the things that I wanted to write about did not actually make it up here. Fine. But this one is a must.
There comes a certain time in everyone's life (I guess) when reality dawns, and when we finally realise something so..well...DUH. This was just one thing, which I feel is the cause of all disappointment, cause of all problems, cause of all fights, cause of all hatred and well, everything else. This 'cause', I feel, is that we expect too much from people. Atleast I do, and as a matter of fact, quite frankly and unhaughtily, I should rephrase that too some of us expect too much from people. How many times have we heard people complaining 'he should have done that' or 'why is he late?'. Okay, yes expectations are required, otherwise this world would not function. Everybody expects, but the people who really suffer are who 'expect too much'. And I am one of them. It's not bad, actaully the intentions are all good, but it is harmful. Because when someone doesn't meet your expectations, you get disappointed, irritated, stressed and depressed. There is no need for that.
Be it your best friends, your girlfriend, your peers, your elders - everyone disappoints. It is not like they mean to, but then we get so troubled and demanding about everything, it just happens. The worst scenario is even when you talk to these people - and they still don't get it. It's so frustrating. You start thinking and speculating and wondering, and then the worst bit - you start to blame yourself. You don't feel like talking, you don't feel like doing anything for anyone, but then again you care. So you get even more perplexed, you feel like hitting your head against the wall, and then you try to do something about it instead - so you try to pick up the phone and call - But then again, you check yourself. STOP. No. How much can you say? That's when it hits you - stop it. Stop expecting so much. Continue to do what you want to, continue to try to meet other people's expectations, (not that it always happens - but I have realised it so I need to practice it as much as I can) continue caring and for once, putting other people before you - but without too many expectations.
I have somewhat started doing that and the feeling is awesome. If you haven't already realised, the most amount of joy is felt by us when we don't expect something and we get it. WOW! Think about it, I really don't know what you think - but to me, this holds a lot of reverence. As my Elvis puts it, reflect.
The past few weeks have taught me just that. It has come to me like a plate of food comes onto a wife-betrayer's face. But then again we need to question: How much do we expect from ourselves? Because we cannot not expect anything from ourselves, then we would end up no where. Again, reflect.
Robbie Williams In Dubai - The Aftermath
I am NOT gay - so don't judge. But...
Have any of your dreams come true? If they have, you will understand the pure euphoria that comes along with it. I had one such experience. After watching Robbie Williams blow everyone away at Live 8 with his mesmerising performance, and then watching him entertain 400,000 people at Knebworth on DVD, I felt that Robbie Williams would never come to Dubai, or that I would never be lucky enough to see him perform in his prime days.
But thanks to Midas Promotions, and Mr. Williams himself, this one dream of mine has come to life. It started with a hiccup as I mentioned in my earlier post, and ended with orgasmic joy at 10:50 pm on 21st April 2006.
Due to my absurdity, Billy, My-Favourite-Guitarist, Elvis, My-Best-Bald Friend and I reached Nad Al Shebha at 10:00 am (Gulf News got it wrong) for a show that would eventually begin only at 9:00 pm. We were the first few to reach there, and the most foolish ones because we didn't have front pit tickets. It was all my fault, so I apologize for it. But please note, for Robbie William's earlier concert in Pretoria, people had started lining up from 5:00 am - but then again I forgot, we lived in Dubai - the land of the pampered and the lazy.
Football, SAT study, and more football kept us occupied in a truly boring build up to the concert. The initial organisation was pretty poor, with no proper queues, and limited food arrangements. The queue fiasco was especially frustrating because our early arrival paid hardly any dividend. People like Ms. Ohri and Ms. Hussain got in at the same time as we did, even though they arrived 6 hours later. Anyway, it's cool - they are good company - :P.
Behind us in the queque, were these 4 Robbie fanatics. It was their third Robbie concert, and one of them had also been to Knebworth to watch him there. And, that my friends, is truly insane. Anyway, the night before the show, Robbie Williams was at 'Trilogy' - a bar in Dubai, and these groupies had met him there. Surprisingly he was a little rude to them - and they blamed it on the negative effects of money. But all I wanted to tell them was - hey, it's Robbie Williams - he must be high on alcohol or something, and hell, he has millions of 'No.1' fans - and he can't possibly be nice to everyone, especially after a high dosage of good old beer. Apparently he left the bar quited unhappy, his supposed last 2 words being - 'F*** that!'
The gates opened at 5:30 pm. The 7 and a 1/2 hours of waiting, which included Elvis' visit to the ambulance nearby because of his high fever, extreme heat and sheer restlessness, seemed worthwhile eventhough it didn't give us any real advantage. However these bulky self-obsessed, know-it-all, 'too-cool' bouncers committed a stupid error. They tried letting only one person go at time, one of 25000 people. Freaks. Obviously it didn't work, and luckily enough nobody assaulted them - but just pushed them aside instead. 25000 are definitely stronger then 2 bulky men.
It was then time for 'The Big Race'. Everyone sprinted to get as close as possible to the stage. Here's where fitness helps. We got the best standing area possible with our dhs. 195 tickets, and quite unexpectedly, it was pretty close to the stage.
Contrary to the external organisation, the internal arrnagements were excellent. However I pity the people with dhs 495, dhs 595 & dhs 695 tickets, because according to me those were not worth it. They were seated behind us, the cheapest ticket holders. And who the hell wants to sit down and watch Robbie perform?
An average DJ kept us going for some time, and then 3 and a half hours later, at 9:00 pm sharp, we witnessed magic. The lights went off, and on came the presentation on the big screen on the rear part of the stage. Breathtaking images of Robbie (more cool that 'hot') accompanied by entrancing sound effects, and heated firebolts made everyone hyper and eager. Finally, from beneath the stage, with streams of white smoke, emerged Robbie Williams in his long buttoned coat, cravat, jeans and sun-glasses, and our ears resonated with shrill cries of the crowd and then the beats of his first song that day - Radio. The crowd went offcially bezerk. We went offically bezerk. We were witnessing one of the greatest perfomerers ever. Rock DJ followed and that really got us going. Robbie played most of his hits, and kept us screaming continuously. His humour, his passion, his style, his talent and his charm came out with such ferocity that it left us incredulous to everything. It was like this mighty wave that crashed upon us, but instead of pushing us down, lifted us to such heights of ectasy that these moments would never be forgotten.
From his sexy camel pose, to deriding J.Lo, Robbie was pretty hilarious. It was a dual show - an amazing musical performance and a side-by-side stand-up comedy act. He imitated 'Jacko' and the great '106-years-old' Mick Jagger. His 'portrayal' of I Can't Get No Satisfaction along with a mockery of Mick Jagger's dance and voice was stomach-splitting. His Jenny From The Block 'emulation' (uhm..uhm) followed by a marvelous delivery of his modern-Shakespeare-like soliloquy added to a truly memorable night.
Robbie did screw up once - he messed up 'Ghosts' completely and also admitted it later - 'I scuffed it'. But that didn't really matter - he was totally awesome. The only downside of the whole concert was, quite frankly, the audience. We 'Dubaites' don't realise how lucky we are to see such great performers with such ease. The crowd wasn't bad, but it wasn't as frenetic as Robbie's usual fans - that I can tell from the many Robbie concerts I have seen before on DVD. There were many people who were there just for the hype. Anyway, everything can't be perfect.
The best permformances of the day were Kids and Let Me Entertain You. Kids is just a really good song, and the awesome,'brilliant' lights - as My Fave Guitarist puts it - made the song even more dynamic. But the best was when he really 'entertained' us. After the cliched act of saying 'Goodnight' and coming back onto stage, Robbie hit us with Let Me Entertain You. This is by far his best performance song. The magnificent lights, and the steamy firebolts, with a great background, one that Rubin and Mr James would be proud of, and the brilliance of the song itself made it the most exhilarating performance that I would probably ever witness.
At 10:50 pm the gig ended. Robbie made us 'feel' all the 'angels' above us, and 'made us pure'. Hopefully, I enthralled 'Ish' by carrying her on my back for Robbie's last song - 'Angels'. She seemed to have enjoyed it. However in the process she almost lost her shoe, and I almost broke some other female's knee.
Beside me, was a hysteric Billy, my Robbie buddy. He also equally enjoyed the concert. Actually, maybe a little more. For me it was orgasmic, for him, in his own words, it made him 'lose his virginity' - now you decide what's better? However hi
s desperate efforts to show Robbie his pretty poor poster went in vain, but then again that was just a little glitch.
Also, it was in it's own way a romantic night. Billy and Lem, Tejas and Ms. Ohri and the other couples who I don't know were together, and enjoying a great, moving performance by his highness, Mr Williams. How I wish she was here! But then again, that night left Lem thinking whether Billy loved her more or Robbie Williams? :P
No people Billy is not bi. And Lem, chill. :)
It hasn't sunk in yet. I am still incredulous towards the fact that I actually witnessed this magical performer live, right in front of my eyes. For all those people who didn't watch this concert, you have obviously missed a chance of a lifetime.
I would again like to highlight the sheer joy and memories a 1 hour 50 minute concert can give, so if any of you get any chance of seeing Robbie, or any other good performer for that matter, grab it with your hands, your feet, your stomach and everything else that is possible - because it is rare. You certainly missed this one, but I didn't. Now looking back, those 8 hours of waiting don't seem that boring.
In short - Robbie Williams rocked the hell outta Dubai.
The Past Few Weeks - Robbie Williams
It took him 3 hours to apparently sell out when his tickets first went on sale in Dubai. I did not get a ticket. I am not blaming any one or anything - it was my ignorance that did not give me a ticket. Robbie Williams holds the Guinness World Record for the fastest selling tickets. If only I had known that before.
Distraught, I stopped listening to his music, because everytime I did, I felt depressed. I thought I had missed my chance to see him.
But one day, bolt from the blue, when I really needed it the most, my sister SMSed me that there are 2500 Robbie tickets going on sale at The One. I informed only Billy Shakespeare, my Robbie buddy, and we lined up at 5:00 am to get the tickets. We got the tickets, but even when we went that early, we were like 100th in the queue. But the twist was that the second flurry of tickets did not get sold out. So queuing at 5:00 am was not really worth it. But it was an experience on its own. People had slept over in the queue, which strangely enough, included my 'Prime Sports' boss. Coffee mugs, books, crosswords, disc-mans, ipods, chairs, beds, lots of food, playing football - every possible way of being occupied was engaged. That was cool, and fun.
The reason I have included this post in my "The Past Few Weeks" saga is that getting a Robbie William ticket was one of the few positives in the past few weeks. Though many people classify him and his music 'gay' (not literally, but synonymously loserish), he is by far one of the greatest performers of today. And knowing that I would get to see him gave me something to look forward to and something to lift me up in a time I felt so pathetic about myself and about everything around me. So Robbie, thanks. But the fight I had with my parents to get front pit tickets was unsuccessful. Now I only hope I won't regret that too much.
The Past Few Weeks - Charity Fundraiser
The rollercoaster ride has ended, or rather will end today. A part of it ended yesterday, a part of it will end on the 27th of this month, but today it will end - for us. This rollercoaster is unlike the rollercoasters of Dubai, you actually feel satisfied and thrilled after the ride.
Just like any rollercoaster, the initial excitement of a new beginning filled us all with ambition and vision, we wanted this Charity Fundraiser to be the best - ever! Regular practises and religious devotion made it seem that we were certainly going to break barriers. But like every rollercoaster, there were points where the thrill itself was so scary, that momentarily we were hit with these sudden phases of tension and terror. And like every rollercoaster, this ride had had its ups and downs. Misunderstandings and miscommunication led to clashes and emotional 'fights'. Unrelated personal catastrophes intertwined with apathy and resignation made it almost seem to me that the fairy-tale finish that we dreamed of will certainly not be achieved. Drowned by other matters like family, personal relationships, school and studies, for me these few days were almost traumatic in their own way, disseminated with a few moments of joy.
However it all came together in the end - like it always does - with special thanks to people who make us so confident as to the fact that it will come together. This gratitude is not for the performers, but for the people behind the scenes who dealt with even more pressure and tension. Hats off on a great tuesday show.